Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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