i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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