i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
