Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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