Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
