I heard we made out
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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