I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
