Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So many bounce houses so little time
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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