If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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