Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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