I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
