the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
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He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
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JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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