Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
