it was like his penis was on wheels.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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