So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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