proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Everyone says I win the strip club
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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