Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
