How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
