you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
