I'm eating all of the evidence.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
