You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
