I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
