I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it's like iHOP with fire
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
