ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
