I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
