walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
