just come out here and I will go home with you...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
