I accidentally had phone sex last night
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
