just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
