Is it because I queefed?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
