We need to rekindle our bromance
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
