OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize