I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
