Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
