Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
