I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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