Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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