I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
