What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
