You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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