Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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