I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
