she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
