Jerry, you need to find god
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
