Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
