So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
