He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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