I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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