there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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