Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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