I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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