I think my vagina is haunted
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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