you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
