she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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