About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm having to shit out rocks
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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