you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
