The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
