I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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