My liver just broke up with me...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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