Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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