Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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