The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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