yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.