Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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