The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
