does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Couch. On fire.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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