why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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