Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
