I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
