I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
